On-going Recovery Requires Grief Support for Survivors
By Greg Boudreau, Kevin’s Song Board Member, Support Group Facilitator, & Suicide Loss Survivor
I lost my son Ryan, a US Marine Corps Sargent, to suicide Memorial Day weekend in 2017. He suffered from PTSD and had a very difficult transition to civilian life after leaving the Corps.
The first two years after Ryan’s death were very difficult as I was not successfully coping with my grief. The sorrow and pain were always in the background despite therapy, using prescribed anti-depressants or self-medicating with alcohol.
I searched out grief support groups, but found these group participants were grieving death from “natural causes” like cancer, old age, or heart attacks, which did not address my core suicide questions like, “Why did he take his life?”
Clearly there was something unique about suicide grief that required a different path to healing and acceptance.
By chance I found a support group for suicide loss in Lapeer, Michigan, and immediately experienced a benefit from attending group sessions with fellow survivors of suicide loss.
Despite attending sessions over several months and reading numerous books, I still had more questions than answers, which was depressing.
In 2020, suicide was not a topic receiving much attention on the world wide web. Resources and support for those grieving the loss of a loved one were very difficult to find. It was as if there was a veil of silence hiding this difficult topic. Nonetheless, I kept searching for answers.
Then four years ago my wife, Estela, saw a Facebook post by a friend who had lost her son to suicide. The post was supporting a course titled, “Understanding Suicide,” presented by Cheryl Waters. We enrolled together as Estela wanted to support my healing and to relieve my pain.
The program was four classroom sessions based on the book, “Dying to be Free,” by Beverly Cobain and Jean Larch. The combination of the book with the education offered by Cheryl was life changing. I finally gained an understanding of the unrelenting pain in the psyche that drives people to suicide. Equally importantly, my marriage was supported as Estela also attended the program and we came away with a common understanding of suicide and a shared vocabulary to describe the suicide ideation and causes.
Soon after, we learned of Kevin’s Song (www.kevinssong.org) offering Suicide Loss Support group sessions nearer to our home. Estela and I became regular group participants, first in person until COVID hit, and then by Zoom for two years. I found that sharing my grief journey in the support group assisted people who were recently bereaved.
My personal mission is to be an active supporter of suicide prevention in the veteran community and to assist loss survivors, which led me to become more involved in promoting the organization’s mission. In 2022, I was invited by Gail Urso, the co-founder of Kevin’s Song, to become a peer facilitator for the Suicide Survivor Loss support group and completed an excellent facilitator training session sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
I took on the role of facilitating the in-person Suicide Loss support group sessions at Grosse Pointe Memorial Church in Grosse Pointe on the third Thursday of each month. Estela recently joined me as co-facilitator for the in-person sessions.
Kevin’s Song invited me to join the Board of Directors in September of 2023. Combined with my role as a facilitator, I look forward to having even more opportunities to support Kevin’s Song mission: “EMPOWERING COMMUNITIES TO PREVENT SUICIDE AND OFFERING HOPE AND HEALING TO SURVIVORS.”
Next month, Kevin’s Song will host its 8th Annual Conference on Suicide: Continuing the Conversation, from January 25 – 27, 2024, at the Saint John’s Resort in Plymouth, Michigan. The three-day conference brings together educators, mental health professionals, professional trainees and students, business and community leaders as well as the public, survivors of suicide loss, and attempt survivors and their family members.
I encourage anyone interested in learning more about this complex issue to join me at the conference and help us make a difference in the fight against suicide.